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Welcome to our Family Page, where you will find support for the family, friends and loved ones of transgendered people. If you have
a transgendered family member, this page has helps specific for you. If you are just starting to deal with a loved one coming out, it
may help to join a support group to help you deal with your feelings and your loved ones changes. There are many helps below to get
you started. Please look around the rest of this website for more information about what it is to be Transgendered.
Your loved one is going to go through a lot of changes and self discovery, and so will you. You will find that the person you thought
you knew was hiding a huge side of themselves and as that other side emerges, you will feel that they are changing. They ARE
changing, but they are also REVEALING their true self to you for the first time. You are finally getting the "whole story" about who
they are. You may or may not like the person you begin to learn about. Try to get to know him or her for the person they really are,
and have been hiding from you.
You will miss the old person and feel that someone died. There is no way around these feelings. There will be many tears on this
journey. You may need the help of a therapist, during this difficult time in your life. It may help to think of all these changes in terms
of your loved one having a disease or condition that will affect the whole family. You will long to go back to a "normal" life. But
"normal" for you, means "death" to your transgendered loved one. Please give yourself time to digest all that is happening to you and
your family. Get help for yourself in therapy or a support group. Get educated about what is happening to your loved one.
Terms
Crossdresser -one who wears opposite gender clothing.
Gender - is a psychosocial construct for classification.
Gender Dysphoria - is an overwhelming desire to assume the physiological characteristics and social roles of the opposite sex.
Gender Identity - is a person's sense of their own gender
Gender Expression - is the gender you demonstrate to others.
Genetic or GG - Genetic Guy, Genetic Girl - one who was born a specific gender, as opposed to one who transitions to a gender.
LGBTQI - Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transsexual, Queer, Intersexed
SOFFA - Significant Others Family, Friends and Acquaintances.
Transgender - is an umbrella term used to describe gender variant people who have gender identity expressions or behaviors not
traditionally associated with their birth sex. Not all transgendered persons alter their physical anatomy.
Transvestite - Fetish in which a heterosexual male dresses in the clothing of the opposite sex, as the primary means of sexual arousal.
Transsexual - by definition is one who wishes to be considered a member of the opposite sex and/ or has undergone a sex change.
For more terms, see "What Am I" Page.
Proper Etiquette
A note of proper etiquette. You may run across transsexual/trangendered people in society and your first thought is, " Why is that guy
in a dress?" That "guy" is in a dress, because "she" is transitioning to the correct gender role for her brain sex. Yes we do look a sight
sometimes when in transition, but please be kind to us. It is difficult enough to go against society, family, friends and our church. We
don't need insults too. As we transition, you will find our appearance will get better and better, so be patient with us, we didn't have
the benefit of making this change at puberty when our friends could help us. Some times we have to go it alone and its tough.
Please always address us as the clothing we wear not the physical sex of our body. If a guy in a dress comes up to you, please call
him "miss" "ma'am" "her" "she" etc.... Always respond to the clothing and mannerisms. If you guess wrong, the individual will
correct you.
Thank you for your kindness.
Resources
Cross Dressing - Trans-gender Expression
http://www.tg2tg.org/sosupport/cdso/so-faq.htm
Letters to loved ones - Coming out
http://www.transfamily.org/letters.htm
Transgender Children
http://www.lauras-playground.com/transgender_transsexual_children.htm
Transsexual Children - Article
http://www.kaffeine.freeuk.com/korner/tschldrn.htm
Mermaids - Youth site
http://www.mermaids.freeuk.com/toc3.html
Trans Youth Family Advocates
http://www.imatyfa.org/
Out Proud - Youth site
http://www.transproud.com/
Gender Odyssey Family
http://genderodysseyfamily.com/index.html
Colage - Support For Kids Of LGBTIQ People
http://www.colage.org/programs/online/
Significant Other Discussion Groups
FTM_International_AFLOAT · Allies, Friends & Loved Ones of FTMs
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FTM_International_AFLOAT/
tgmi-SOFFAs · TransGender Michigan's List for SOFFAs
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tgmi-SOFFAs/
Trans Family - Discussion lists - where to talk about it
http://www.transfamily.org/emailist.htm
Despite outward appearances, we are frail, scared, and fractured and we desperately hold on to some resemblance of sanity, focusing
on others to survive. Transition is life altering this is for us. We potentially loose everything. If it weren't for the overwhelming need
to be recognized for who we are inside and the constant suicidal feelings, we would not transition, the loss of everything we hold dear
would be too high a price.
Before transition, a trans women (mtf) is a male, a son, a brother, a father. After transition, she is a girl, a daughter, a sister, a mother,
(a freak) in a family that often rejects her. This experience is considerably different than coming out as a homosexual person, where
your gender role in the family stays the same. We were never validated or affirmed for the person we were inside. From the day we
came home from the hospital, we had the wrong colored booties on and that wrong label was forced on us through out life by
unknowing parents, trying to do the best for their child.
Many of our family members will never speak to us again, as a result of our transition. Our families tell us that we "killed" the person
they loved. Our families have to deal with a death in the family because of us. They no longer have a brother, a son, a father. Our
families tell us they wish we were gay or lesbian, cause that would be easier to deal with than their son putting on a dress and calling
himself Mary Ann. Fathers shutter and as their "son" lops off his manhood and any chance of passing on the family name to off
spring.
Our lives feel desperate and hopeless when we want to transition and can't. We feel trapped. It is no wonder that people kill
themselves.
We are criticized for being "self centered" when we transition. But for the first time in our lives, we ARE focusing on ourselves. We
get to be what we always felt we were inside and prayed someday we would be. All our lives we self sacrificed and did every little
thing anyone asked of us to in an effort to gain approval. Approval which never seemed to mean anything. It was always conditional.
We wait on others for some morsel of "approval", some crumb to fall from their table of acceptance. We would have done anything!
And we ido, just to "feel" accepted.
Emotionally we stopped maturing at puberty when our bodies betrayed us and changed into the opposite of what we were inside. Until
transition, we live in our heads, detached from our bodies. When we transition, our emotional maturity begins again, at puberty. Body
and mind reconnect and for the first time since childhood we become a whole person. We act like children in puberty emotionally,
because WE ARE!
We make all the same infantile male/female jokes that pre-teens and teens make. The only difference is, that as adults, we "know" they
are JUST jokes. Those seemingly derogatory jokes are a form of affirmation of the new gender role. Our emotional state has to
grow from 12 years of age to 40 or 50 years of age in a span of 2 to 4 years. Needless to say there is a lot of self discovery that
happens very rapidly and we uncover a lot of emotional stuff never dealt with. It takes some individuals, the rest of their lives to come
to terms with 30 or more years the buried crap. All of it revolving around invalidation and lack of acceptance.
We even have emotional acceptance issues in the new gender role after transition!
After transition, we deal with a whole new set of problems. We have no past history in the new gender role. It is so alienating and
embarrassing for us to be in a conversation with others of our new gender and have no history and sometimes no information to
"remember" so we can "fit in" and contribute to the conversation. Trying to be "one of the girls" or "one of the guys" is so difficult.
We are hungry for information that will make us feel "genetic". But we still feel like a fraud. We become depressed and wonder is this
what life will be like. "Will I never "feel" like I fit in? Why is there no place for me in society?"
Perhaps one can begin to understand why so many commit suicide. Why we fall into depression so easily, because nothing ever
seems to fit! Some of us "choose" to be happy with what we can get in this life and others struggle with happiness.
I hope this has helped your understanding of what we are and what we go through. Thank you for reading this and letting us share.
.
a transgendered family member, this page has helps specific for you. If you are just starting to deal with a loved one coming out, it
may help to join a support group to help you deal with your feelings and your loved ones changes. There are many helps below to get
you started. Please look around the rest of this website for more information about what it is to be Transgendered.
Your loved one is going to go through a lot of changes and self discovery, and so will you. You will find that the person you thought
you knew was hiding a huge side of themselves and as that other side emerges, you will feel that they are changing. They ARE
changing, but they are also REVEALING their true self to you for the first time. You are finally getting the "whole story" about who
they are. You may or may not like the person you begin to learn about. Try to get to know him or her for the person they really are,
and have been hiding from you.
You will miss the old person and feel that someone died. There is no way around these feelings. There will be many tears on this
journey. You may need the help of a therapist, during this difficult time in your life. It may help to think of all these changes in terms
of your loved one having a disease or condition that will affect the whole family. You will long to go back to a "normal" life. But
"normal" for you, means "death" to your transgendered loved one. Please give yourself time to digest all that is happening to you and
your family. Get help for yourself in therapy or a support group. Get educated about what is happening to your loved one.
Terms
Crossdresser -one who wears opposite gender clothing.
Gender - is a psychosocial construct for classification.
Gender Dysphoria - is an overwhelming desire to assume the physiological characteristics and social roles of the opposite sex.
Gender Identity - is a person's sense of their own gender
Gender Expression - is the gender you demonstrate to others.
Genetic or GG - Genetic Guy, Genetic Girl - one who was born a specific gender, as opposed to one who transitions to a gender.
LGBTQI - Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transsexual, Queer, Intersexed
SOFFA - Significant Others Family, Friends and Acquaintances.
Transgender - is an umbrella term used to describe gender variant people who have gender identity expressions or behaviors not
traditionally associated with their birth sex. Not all transgendered persons alter their physical anatomy.
Transvestite - Fetish in which a heterosexual male dresses in the clothing of the opposite sex, as the primary means of sexual arousal.
Transsexual - by definition is one who wishes to be considered a member of the opposite sex and/ or has undergone a sex change.
For more terms, see "What Am I" Page.
Proper Etiquette
A note of proper etiquette. You may run across transsexual/trangendered people in society and your first thought is, " Why is that guy
in a dress?" That "guy" is in a dress, because "she" is transitioning to the correct gender role for her brain sex. Yes we do look a sight
sometimes when in transition, but please be kind to us. It is difficult enough to go against society, family, friends and our church. We
don't need insults too. As we transition, you will find our appearance will get better and better, so be patient with us, we didn't have
the benefit of making this change at puberty when our friends could help us. Some times we have to go it alone and its tough.
Please always address us as the clothing we wear not the physical sex of our body. If a guy in a dress comes up to you, please call
him "miss" "ma'am" "her" "she" etc.... Always respond to the clothing and mannerisms. If you guess wrong, the individual will
correct you.
Thank you for your kindness.
Resources
Cross Dressing - Trans-gender Expression
http://www.tg2tg.org/sosupport/cdso/so-faq.htm
Letters to loved ones - Coming out
http://www.transfamily.org/letters.htm
Transgender Children
http://www.lauras-playground.com/transgender_transsexual_children.htm
Transsexual Children - Article
http://www.kaffeine.freeuk.com/korner/tschldrn.htm
Mermaids - Youth site
http://www.mermaids.freeuk.com/toc3.html
Trans Youth Family Advocates
http://www.imatyfa.org/
Out Proud - Youth site
http://www.transproud.com/
Gender Odyssey Family
http://genderodysseyfamily.com/index.html
Colage - Support For Kids Of LGBTIQ People
http://www.colage.org/programs/online/
Significant Other Discussion Groups
FTM_International_AFLOAT · Allies, Friends & Loved Ones of FTMs
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FTM_International_AFLOAT/
tgmi-SOFFAs · TransGender Michigan's List for SOFFAs
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tgmi-SOFFAs/
Trans Family - Discussion lists - where to talk about it
http://www.transfamily.org/emailist.htm
Despite outward appearances, we are frail, scared, and fractured and we desperately hold on to some resemblance of sanity, focusing
on others to survive. Transition is life altering this is for us. We potentially loose everything. If it weren't for the overwhelming need
to be recognized for who we are inside and the constant suicidal feelings, we would not transition, the loss of everything we hold dear
would be too high a price.
Before transition, a trans women (mtf) is a male, a son, a brother, a father. After transition, she is a girl, a daughter, a sister, a mother,
(a freak) in a family that often rejects her. This experience is considerably different than coming out as a homosexual person, where
your gender role in the family stays the same. We were never validated or affirmed for the person we were inside. From the day we
came home from the hospital, we had the wrong colored booties on and that wrong label was forced on us through out life by
unknowing parents, trying to do the best for their child.
Many of our family members will never speak to us again, as a result of our transition. Our families tell us that we "killed" the person
they loved. Our families have to deal with a death in the family because of us. They no longer have a brother, a son, a father. Our
families tell us they wish we were gay or lesbian, cause that would be easier to deal with than their son putting on a dress and calling
himself Mary Ann. Fathers shutter and as their "son" lops off his manhood and any chance of passing on the family name to off
spring.
Our lives feel desperate and hopeless when we want to transition and can't. We feel trapped. It is no wonder that people kill
themselves.
We are criticized for being "self centered" when we transition. But for the first time in our lives, we ARE focusing on ourselves. We
get to be what we always felt we were inside and prayed someday we would be. All our lives we self sacrificed and did every little
thing anyone asked of us to in an effort to gain approval. Approval which never seemed to mean anything. It was always conditional.
We wait on others for some morsel of "approval", some crumb to fall from their table of acceptance. We would have done anything!
And we ido, just to "feel" accepted.
Emotionally we stopped maturing at puberty when our bodies betrayed us and changed into the opposite of what we were inside. Until
transition, we live in our heads, detached from our bodies. When we transition, our emotional maturity begins again, at puberty. Body
and mind reconnect and for the first time since childhood we become a whole person. We act like children in puberty emotionally,
because WE ARE!
We make all the same infantile male/female jokes that pre-teens and teens make. The only difference is, that as adults, we "know" they
are JUST jokes. Those seemingly derogatory jokes are a form of affirmation of the new gender role. Our emotional state has to
grow from 12 years of age to 40 or 50 years of age in a span of 2 to 4 years. Needless to say there is a lot of self discovery that
happens very rapidly and we uncover a lot of emotional stuff never dealt with. It takes some individuals, the rest of their lives to come
to terms with 30 or more years the buried crap. All of it revolving around invalidation and lack of acceptance.
We even have emotional acceptance issues in the new gender role after transition!
After transition, we deal with a whole new set of problems. We have no past history in the new gender role. It is so alienating and
embarrassing for us to be in a conversation with others of our new gender and have no history and sometimes no information to
"remember" so we can "fit in" and contribute to the conversation. Trying to be "one of the girls" or "one of the guys" is so difficult.
We are hungry for information that will make us feel "genetic". But we still feel like a fraud. We become depressed and wonder is this
what life will be like. "Will I never "feel" like I fit in? Why is there no place for me in society?"
Perhaps one can begin to understand why so many commit suicide. Why we fall into depression so easily, because nothing ever
seems to fit! Some of us "choose" to be happy with what we can get in this life and others struggle with happiness.
I hope this has helped your understanding of what we are and what we go through. Thank you for reading this and letting us share.
.
| Family |
Transgendered Soul
| Family, Friends, and Loved Ones Help Page |
| Thank you for visiting the Transgendered Soul Website!! The TGS gives only general information relating to transition for individuals with gender disphoria or Intersexed condition. We are not responsible for what the individual does with that information. We do Not suggest any results from the information provided here. Our purpose is to offer resources and encouragement to individuals suffering with these conditions in hopes of connecting them with resources useful to them and all aspects of their transition. The TGS will be held harmless from any results an Individual gets from a provider or information located on this site. Transgendered Soul (TGS) does not engage in the practice of medicine or psychology, is not a medical or psychological authority, and does not claim medical or psychiatric knowledge. TGS recommends that you consult your own physician and psychologist regarding any course of treatment or medication. There are links to other web sites in various places through out our web site. TGS is not responsible for the content of other websites reached from links on our website. Use of this site and its information constitutes an agreement to these terms. |
| A Trans Life |